The interviewer as you know by now is me, The Curmudgeon.
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The interviewee is God aka The Big Slater.
Well then, let's get this interview underway.
Today we have The Big Slater in our studio* and, given all the religious and Christianity stuff going on at present (mostly stemming from Robert's blog) I thought it opportune to bring in The Big Slater since Richard, the writer of a little blog down south posed the question that the Big Slater might be God.
THE CURMUDGEON: Welcome The Big Slater to the Interview Series, the blog posts where those who have been bypassed by other media have an opportunity to put their views forward.
THE CURMUDGEON: Welcome The Big Slater to the Interview Series, the blog posts where those who have been bypassed by other media have an opportunity to put their views forward.
THE BIG SLATER: Thanks The CURMUDGEON. It's an honour to have this recognition at last.
THE CURMUDGEON: (said trying to keep a straight face) I did note that Richard's Bass Bag made mention of you ...
THE BIG SLATER: Richard's Bass Bag? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ...
THE CURMUDGEON: .... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ... well, moving on.
THE BIG SLATER: Hey THE CURMUDGEON, can I just call you TC?
TC: Mmmm - a 'God' complex - An unshakable belief characterised by consistently inflated feelings of personal ability, privilege, or infallibility.
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THE CURMUDGEON: Sure but what do I call you? I can't call you BS - that seems a bit disrespectful.
THE BIG SLATER: How about 'GOD'?
THE CURMUDGEON: Are you sure? OK then, the thunderstorms were here last week so I don't think I'll get struck down this week.
GOD: How's that?
TC: (trying it out) "GOD". Yes, that's good (see what I did there?)
GOD: No but, as you said, let's move on, I've got trees to chew.
TC: Is that some sort of biblical saying?
GOD: No, I've got trees to chew. I can't leave it all to my cousin the Kauri Snail.
TC: The Kauri Snail?
GOD: Yes. He's pretty rare (not pretty though) and chews the kauri near your place.
TC: Eeeew! Mind you GOD you don't look much better ha ha.
GOD: Keep your hat on TC. You don't look a million dollars yourself and I do mean that - keep your hat on.
TC: (sulking) Mean.
GOD: Ha ha - if that old bass guy thinks I'm god I might as well act like it. From what I've heard that Catholic/Christian god is a real mean and nasty bastard. He gives mankind wrong or contradictory information and when they stuff up he drowns or smites them
TC: Yeah. He/she/it's a prick allright. Hey, I just had a thought. Do you know this guy? It's not you in disguise is it?
GOD: Ha ha - Christian Slater. No, it's not me but I get that a lot.
TC: OK. Why did Richard of Richard's Bass Bag think you are god then?
GOD: Well, he said in a post "Though God did supposedly say that He made us in His own image. Maybe God is a very big, perfect slater?" I like that he called me perfect but I would have liked God to have made me a bit bigger so I wouldn't get stepped on but then - if I am in God's image I guess I am God.
TC: Mmmm - a 'God' complex - An unshakable belief characterised by consistently inflated feelings of personal ability, privilege, or infallibility.
Hey! I might be God myself ....
GOD: Steady on TC and remember what Robert answered.
TC: Robert?
GOD: Yes, Robert the sanctimonious apathetic sinner and toilet cleaner ...
TC: The what ...?
GOD: Yes, I know, but that's what he calls himself. He said "You forget the basic premise that any being to qualify as 'God' has to be outside of it's (sic) creation! A Slater can not create a slater, a lion can not create a lion and a human being can not create a human being. God can create us because he is non corporeal, and pure spirit.
TC: What the hell does that mean?
GOD: Buggered if I know but I'd take it easy claiming that you're God otherwise you'll get a lot of nonsense like that to interpret.
TC: Point taken. Moving on. Can we discuss....
GOD: Um, watch where you're walking there TC - please don't stand so close to me...
TC: I just wanted to ask ...
GOD: TC!
TC: What?
GOD: LOOK OUT! Watch where ....
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TC: Oops! Sorry God. God? God? Are you allright God?
GOD: ...........................
TC: Oh God!
GOD: ...........................
TC: Oh well, at least Nietzsche will be pleased. We'd better wrap this interview up ...... has anyone got some paper towels?
* The studio is Lynn's office, my old study which I'm allowed to use until the 16th January.
8 comments:
I reckon The Big Slater will rise from the dead in about three days.
Hey, when you applied to buy the rights to my character, you said it would be popular. So far both comments are from me! The creator! I've a good mind to build an ark and flood out all The Curmudgeons! I will rescue spiders, flies and slaters first. This will be my priority.
To be frank, it read like the work of a silly man with a deranged mind. Though I could be wrong.
No, for once you are right. Well done.
I wonder what Slater hell is like?
Robert would be likely to say "Slater hell is being forced to read this post, written by a silly man with a deranged mind, over and over again." But he might be wrong.
Kevin Sparrow might have a thought about this.
Slaters are very hard to eat.
Kevin Sparrow
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