THE CURMUDGEON'S MEETING SERVICE - MEETING #3

 Inspired by the success of the last two meetings in the Curmudgeon's Meeting Services I thought it opportune to bring you the 'biggie' of the year. I've managed to secure two of the most influential bloggers in this blogging community - you know who they are.

These two, while being almost as influential as The Curmudgeon, do post fairly regularly and interact with each other. Unfortunately they don't always see 'eye to eye' being quite different people at heart even though they are brothers, both musicians and have connections to Catholicism. Sometimes the interactions become vitriolic although at least one of them  sees sense the next morning and deletes all of the derogatory comments that he's written the previous night. Here's hoping that The Curmudgeon's Meeting service can bring them together.

MEETING SERVICE #3

Richard (of Richard's Bass Bag).

Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner and toilet cleaner.

The moderator, as usual is me - The Curmudgeon.

THE CURMUDGEON: Welcome guys - come in out of the rain, we don't want to get you any wetter than you are.

RICHARD (OF RICHARD'S BASS BAG): What's that supposed to mean? Are you insinuating ...

ROBERT THE APATHETIC SANCTIMONIOUS SINNER AND TOILET CLEANER: ... that we're somehow wet behind the knees or ...

RICHARD (OF RICHARD'S BASS BAG): The ears Rob - the ears ..

ROBERT THE APATHETIC SANCTIMONIOUS SINNER AND TOILET CLEANER: What? Why do you always have to correct me 'older and wiser' brother?

RICHARD (OF RICHARD'S BASS BAG): Don't take that single quotation mark stance with me Rob ... you know that I can ...

THE CURMUDGEON: Guys, guys ... see what's going on here? You are still fighting like you used to do back in Garden Road. You need to move on, grow up, chill out, never forgive, never forget, do it once and do it right, reap what you sow, plans go to hell as soon as the first shot is fired, protect and serve, never go off duty.

RICHARD (OF RICHARD'S BASS BAG): What the hell are you talking about The Curmudgeon?

THE CURMUDGEON: Oh, sorry about that. I've just finished watching the Reacher series on Amazon Prime and am in the middle of re-reading a Jack Reacher novel.

RICHARD (OF RICHARD'S BASS BAG): Well, enough, a person might say, if that person lived in the civilised world, the world of movies and television and fair play and decent restraint. But I don’t live there. I live in a world where you don’t start fights but you sure as hell finish them, and you don’t lose them either, and I'm  the inheritor of generations of hard-won wisdom that said the best way to lose them was to assume they were over when they weren’t yet ....

ROBERT THE APATHETIC SANCTIMONIOUS SINNER AND TOILET CLEANER: Hey big bro ... can we move on, I've got to clean my churches.

RICHARD (OF RICHARD'S BASS BAG): What? Is that another euphemism for your wanking? I thought you'd given that up? I remember that you said, back a couple of years ago that you'd wanked on average twice a week for 44 years ....

THE CURMUDGEON: Come on Richard ... let it go. Robert, can we have your attention for a few more minutes then you can, ahem, go and 'clean your churches'. Look, can we shorten your names to something that's easier for me to type? How about Pinky and Sparky.

RICHARD (OF RICHARD'S BASS BAG): How about you go and get fucked? How about that then?

THE CURMUDGEON: Ah, I'd forgotten how those in the 'G' classes know how to formulate propositions so well. The world of clever debating and Wildean wit hasn't died yet I see.

RICHARD (OF RICHARD'S BASS BAG): Whaaa? OK. you can call me Rich.

THE CURMUDGEON: OK Dick, let's ...

RICHARD (OF RICHARD'S BASS BAG): Rich!

ROBERT THE APATHETIC SANCTIMONIOUS SINNER AND TOILET CLEANER: You can call me Al.

THE CURMUDGEON and RICH together: Al? What the fuck?

ROBERT THE APATHETIC SANCTIMONIOUS SINNER AND TOILET CLEANER: Sorry - I don't know where that came from. You can call me Rob.

THE CURMUDGEON: OK, Rob it is. Rob and Rich - sounds like some fairy tale from the Sherwood Forest but ... at least it saves me from a lot of typing.

RICH: Alright, I'm game. Hey Rob, can we ...

THE CURMUDGEON: Um, sorry guys. We've had some success here but I'm afraid that we've run out of time. It's coffee time now. I'm going to make myself a flat white in the espresso machine. I don't have any instant coffee so you'd both better toddle off. Bye! Arriverdverci, Ciao. See you. Bugger off!

The Curmudgeon quickly closes the door on Rich and Rob, locks it and turns off the lights.