A SUMMIT ..... WELL, SUMMAT ANYWAY

 January is marching along so I thought it necessary to call in the top guys from the key blogs for a meeting to set the parameters for blogging in 2022.

First I approached Richard, the head honcho of Richard's Bass Bag which he claims to be the original bass bag. I guess this is true since it's the only bass bag blog and it's extremely unlikely that anyone else would create one. I outlined my plan to him but he seemed rather distracted and kept mumbling about bloody uncle Fred or someone and the fact that he hadn't done enough banjo practice yet and that he was busy. I was a bit worried but he suggested that one of his team, Philip Edward Nis could represent the bass bag team. "He's the right tool for the job" Richard sniggered.

"Fishes, lovely fishes"

OK, it doesn't really matter who comes to the summit as long as he has the proxy votes with him. I next approached Robert who heads up a queasy quasi-religious blog that goes under a new flag each week. The current infestation manifestation is Contemplating God, Faith, and Truth (don't ask). Robert was hard to contact as he was away torturing fish in the back blocks of the North Island but a few calls to Uncle Fred's (no relation to Richard) Fish Torturing Supply Shop near Turangi eventuated in a breathless Robert yelling down a crackly line (not a fishing line) to me: "Yes, yes. yes. that's a good idea I love you" said Robert "but I can't make that summit because there are many more little fishes to torture. I'll have a word with one of the team".

Robert called back later and was full of it - enthusiasm that is and told me that The Holy Ghost had agreed to represent his blog. 

I thought about this and thought "what the hell, what could go wrong?" and started to make arrangements. It was obvious that I'm far too important to attend a meeting with minions so, I too, delegated someone to represent The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ.

I selected an apprentice who has yet to have his own blog - THE NERVOUS GUY.

I mean, what could go wrong?

The meeting was at Whangarei Heads at my sister's place that I borrowed. I gave The Nervous Guy the key, a voucher to buy some potato chips and cheap beer from Pak 'n' Save and a general outline for the meeting. "Just get them to agree to tone down on religion and music and to discuss the important things like furniture, light fittings and golf this year." 

"Ummmm, er, umm, OK boss." he replied.

I mean, what could go wrong.

2022 Bloggers Summit Meeting

Attendees:

The Nervous Guy 

Philip Edward Nis 

The Holy Ghost 

THE NERVOUS GUY: Wwww..welcome guys to the ...um..er.. 2022 Bloggers Summat  ...er.. Summit

PHILIP EDWARD NIS: No problem Nervy. Summits are old hat for me. I'm a thinking kind of guy, in fact I ...

THE HOLY GHOST: Blessed be you Nervous Guy. My loins quiver in anticipation at bringing forth my spirit at this momentous event. I ....

THE NERVOUS GUY: Ummm, the Boss asked me, to tell you, not to do that and not to get your spirit or any other substances on the furniture or carpet. This is his sister's place you see and we've only borrowed it for a short time. In fact, I don't think that she even knows that we're here and she's forgotten that she gave the Boss a spare key. Gee, I hope that she doesn't turn up for her holidays - this is her holiday house. Umm...we're used to seagulls crapping on things around here ..... no offence Mr Ghost ... as it is coastal but .... you know .... be careful. Hey! Am I talking too much? I talk too much when I get nervous.. I .....

Philip Nis and The Holy Ghost had wandered away at this point and were poking about in the kitchen looking for things to eat and for the coffee making things.

THE NERVOUS GUY: ....... Umm .... I don't think you should be doing that. The Boss provided some beer and chips so ....

THE HOLY GHOST: (while pocketing some silver spoons he/she/it spied) Beer and Chips! Fuck off! Even Richard provides coffee. Robert, to be fair, doesn't provide coffee either but then his staple diet is beer and chips ....hey! Have you been making arrangements with him ....

PHILIP EDWARD NIS: Come on guys. Can we get this show on the road. I've been thinking .....

THE NERVOUS GUY:  Ummm .... sorry Mr Nis .... er, that's my job to call the meeting to order . The Boss said ....

PHILIP EDWARD NIS: Well hurry the fuck up then. I haven't got all day to ........Oh fuck!

The Nervous Guy had burst into tears and had run from the room.

THE HOLY GHOST: Now look what you've done. If my Dad was here or the Virgin Mary ....oops ...I shouldn't be thinking of her ...I  really shou .....oops ...dammit! Now look what you made me do.

PHILIP EDWARD NIS: Eeeeeew! I hope that you're going to clean that up before Nervy comes back I ......

The sound of a car coming up the drive stopped him. Looking out he saw a woman driving up with a look of surprise and concern on her face at seeing The Nervous Guy's car parked there and the front door open.

PHILIP EDWARD NIS: Quick HG - out the back. We'd better make a run for it.

They left through the back door and ran through the bushes and made their way back to the main road to thumb a lift.

THE CURMUDGEON'S SISTER: Hello! Is anyone in here? I .... what the hell is this mess?