INTERVIEW #20

As you know, in this series we interview maligned people who perhaps haven't had a chance to put forward their side of the story.

Today we have Mr Linford who is mentioned a lot in Richard's Bass Bag posts usually as a remembered aside from Richard's mother who say's "I don't want to go to heaven if that Mr Linford is there".

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THE CURMUDGEON: Welcome Mr Linford to The Curmudgeon's Interview series where ....

MR LINFORD: .... I just hope there's no smutty language ...

THE CURMUDGEON: ... um .. no, not unless you use some (thinks: Sheesh, Gloria was right, this guy's a sanctimonious twat) we like to keep a bit of decorum in The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ blogs. You're probably thinking of Richard's Bass Bag.

MR LINFORD: Huh! Richard you say? I remember him. He was always sneaking a look through Mrs O'Sullivan's windows. He ...

THE CURMUDGEON: ... No, that was Robert. Robert from Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner, toilet cleaner, threatener of eternal damnation, music snob and sucker blog. Richard's the one who used to stand under the stairs at primary school and look up little girls' dresses.

MR LINFORD: Deviants the lot of them. They'll all go to hell.

THE CURMUDGEON: Yes, well, on that point there are some who say that they'd rather go there than be with you in heaven.

MR LINFORD: I don't understand that. I'm a good god fearing man. I go, or went, to church every Sunday - religiously - ha ha do you see what ...

THE CURMUDGEON: ... yes 'religiously' I get it now can we move on to why ...

MR LINFORD: ... at church I attended every Mass that was going. I used to sit in the back near the statue of the Blessed Virgin - I like her - and got there early to nab the comfy chair before those old women sat their old bums in it.

THE CURMUDGEON: Mmm - you remind me of someone. Why though were you known as a sanctimonious twat?

MR LINFORD: (blustering) A sanctimonious t .... tttt .... a sanctimoinious tttt I can't even say it.

THE CURMUDGEON: Twat. T..W..A..T - it means ...

MR LINFORD: Don't say it The Curmudgeon please. Remember that decorum. I thought I admired you at first. It looks like you're as bad as that other fellow Richard. He's going to hell you know.

THE CURMUDGEON: I know and I'm sure he's had experience of that living next to you.

MR LINFORD: I prefer that other one - Robert. I remember we used to have little chats sitting in the bushes watching Mrs .... er, never mind. How's he doing by the way?

THE CURMUDGEON: Well, as I said he posts a blog named 'Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner, toilet cleaner, threatener of eternal damnation, music snob and sucker' which mainly covers his church going, his obsession with the Mass and the Eucharist along with a disturbing obsession with the Virgin Mary - hey! I just had a thought. You'll have a Garden Road old-boy with you in heaven after all.

 MR LINFORD: Golly gee that's great. We'll be able to catch up on old times and hang about with God.. Now, I wonder where Mrs O'Sullivan went?

THE CURMUDGEON: We'd better leave it there folks before old Linford gets chucked out of heaven. It'll be no good for the rest of the Garden Roaders if he turns up in Hell with them.