"FOUR WHEELS GOOD, TWO WHEEL'S BAD" *

 * With apologies to George Orwell.

Richard, the anti-cycle grump from Wainuiomata(?) - a little vocative case joke there - berates cyclists and if he wasn't such a goody-goody would likely run them off the road (if there was no-one watching).

I don't think he's ever ridden a bicycle but if he did it was probably in the days before the advent of motor vehicles so he would have been safe.

"Hey! Where are the girls?"

I on the other hand rode a bicycle from a very early age and used to 'barrel' around Vogeltown with its hills and low volume traffic as a kid.

I had a couple of accidents, one serious, but it didn't put me off riding. I rode to school when at Marist Brother's and St Patrick's and later, briefly, to university.

I also once had an after-school job as a delivery boy working for C.M. Banks Company in Grey Street. I rode a clunky black bike with a large basket in the front and delivered stationery items all over the city, dodging trolley buses, pedestrians and delivery vans.

When living in York a few years ago I bought a bike and daily, rode all over the city and out into the surrounding countryside. It was very safe riding there, not at all like in New Zealand where cyclists are fair game.

New Zealand drivers don't like cyclists so Richard's not alone there. To be fair though the roads generally don't favour cycling and it's only in very recent times that local councils have taken the initiative to put in cycleways to make it safer for cyclists and less annoying to motorists. Also, many cyclists are arrogant bastards who think that they have the right of way on the most dangerous roads.

I brought my cycle back from York and, a year or so ago upgraded it to a better one but to be honest I hardly use it as it's too dangerous on the roads around where I live. It stays in the shed most days.

I've got all the gear (except for lycra clothing) and will occasionally drive to Pataua South where there is no traffic, or into town where there are cycle ways.

"Hey! Where are the girls?"

The other day though, when driving from town to home, on the narrow and windy country road, I was stuck behind a couple of cyclists who made no effort to move aside, cycling along "with abnormal urges to ride and feel free". This was in a 100kph area. I must admit, at that time I empathised with Richard and wondered what he would have done (no-one was watching).

Trombone. Church Op-Shop. Bulldozing. More trombone.

Fagin bought this from The Warehouse saying "The Old Bastard will love this". Actually I hated it. It took me two months to assemble. I would like a real trombone too! Trombones have a wonderful range in between a tuba and double decker bus. They aren't tuned, like a kazoo. Trombone is derived from the Old English for hell. You will understand why when you listen to me play. That reminds me of a joke: 

“I got my neighbour to lend me his trombone.”
“But you don’t play the trombone.”
“I know. And now he doesn’t, either.”

I did my did my usual stint at the Church shop. I bought the entire inventory again and Sister Mary Fruitloop  paid for the copy of the Sistine Chapel she had taken last Sunday.  We were the only customers. I could have saved myself $2016 by becoming an atheist. It was the last Sunday for the priest, Father Offthebetta. He is off to Himatangi to convert some old guy he knows. I gave him a Mexican wave as he left in his car. It must have distracted him because he ran over Sister Mary Fruitloop on the way out. Never mind, she wanted to be a martyr anyway.  Father Offthebetta seemed nice enough, but his jokes were very hard to understand with his Filipino accent. And his lisp and harelip.
He told one today which I didn't really get.  He said "Recently I came back from Vatican City where I have realised that angels are real. One of them offered me to show the path to Heaven and I agreed. Sadly, she charged me 50 Euros for the session."

I really do not think jokes are always appropriate at Mass where Jesus and all the angels in eternity are joining in celebrating the sacrifice Christ made for sinful man. Then coming to each of us in person in the Holy Eucharist. It is so humiliating receiving Jesus, particularly when it's not oral.


Anyway later I  bulldozed the front section and relaxed while playing with my new 'bone'. TROMBONE

100 YEARS ON - SAME OLD

 I see that Richard's Bass Bag is back to normal. Well, when I say normal that probably gives the wrong impression as there's nothing 'normal' about this blog. Perhaps I should just say "Richard's Bass Bag is back".

He's begun incarnation #4 with a kind of fable - one that's guaranteed to warp the minds of the young and future generation. I don't know what hallucinogenic drugs Richard is on but they must be a doozy. Robert gets his hallucinogenia from the Catechism and sermons at Mass on Sundays so probably can't give us insights (or very realistic ones) as to what Richard ingests.

Richard talks about life in the year 2076. I think that the year is significant because 1976 was the year that he entered the teaching world. In the new fantasy series Richard mentions schoolteachers and alludes to their 'craziness'.

The crazy women who get involved with these quizzes never tire of hearing that reply and they never seem to realize (sic) that everyone is getting the same reply. Many years ago these women were schoolteachers, which was a bit worrying, but there are no schoolteachers now.

It's telling that he laments that schoolteachers no longer exist in 2076 and this may indicate his feelings of loss now that, 46 years after entering that profession, he has retired.

People in 2076 wear strange clothes that are a bit like what children wear at birthday parties in 2022:

I guess that, if there were schoolteachers in 2076 they would look like this, as no doubt Richard looked like in 1976:

To save readers possible trauma from reading the current and pending posts by Richard on this current saga I will report on the outcomes for you.

Stay posted.

THEY'RE COMING TO TAKE HIM AWAY

 THEY'RE COMING TO TAKE ME AWAY HA HA

Remember when you ran away
And I got on my knees and begged you
Not to leave because I'd go berserk?
WELL,
You left me anyhow and
Then the days got worse and worse
And now you see I've gone completely
out of my mind

Yes, Richard The Anxious is worried that the blogging police will come to take him away because of some comments he made on the previous incarnation of his blog Richard's Bass Bag.

Incarnation #4 is in place but it is very (very) minimalistic. Best not to go there until it builds up some steam.

I mean, this even makes Robert's blog look good.

CURMUDGEON'S DAY

 

WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE ....

 

POSTMAN

Please Mister Postman, look and see
(Oh yeah)
If there's a letter in your bag for me
(Please, Please Mister Postman)
Why's it takin' such a long time
(Oh yeah)
.............
There must be some word today
.............
Please Mister Postman, look and see
If there's a letter, a letter for me

Yes, you guessed it - Robert's deleted all his posts again, he's .......WAIT!  Wait a minute, wait a minute ........ it's not Robert, it's ...... Richard!

For the third time Richard, the founding member of this blogging community and creator of Richard's Bass Bag (the original bass bagging site) - don't ask , has deleted all of his posts. He does that when under stress or attacked.

All of the posts 'like wot he wrote' since he started the third generation of Richard's Bass Bag in August 2020 have been wiped.

Here's a link to an earlier post of mine where generations 1 and 2 are mentioned: HERE

The first deletion was necessary given that some interfering busybody in the workplace decided to, for reasons of his/her own, distribute the blog address to his employers who had no sense of humour.

The second deletion is unexplained and maybe, just a maybe, could suggest that he wanted to be like Robert and 'flush' his blog occasionally. I guess we can all be thankful that when his third version appeared it was apparent that any wishes to be like Robert didn't extend to blogging.

This latest deletion is just silly but I won't elaborate on this because it is private to Richard. It's a shame though because, while Richard's Bass Bag version 4 has already surfaced, the old posts have gone. I looked forward to reading these and, sometimes, re-reading them. I won't say that they were the highlight of my day because that spot is permanently reserved by The Old Girl, but they were good. It's a shame that they, and those of versions 1 and 2 have disappeared into the ether.

 

I've been standin' here waitin' Mister Postman
So patiently
For just a card, or just a letter
Sayin' he's returnin' home to me

ET CUM SPIRITU TUO

 

Just checking.

I called in to Mitre 10 this morning before doing the supermarket shop.

I bought some weed-mat, a chainsaw sharpening tool and a spirit level* for ensuring that the garden pavers get laid straight. I'm all set for when I can be arsed to do the job.

We've got visitors arriving tonight for the holiday weekend so that'll let me off the hook to until Tuesday. Basically It's no good doing the job without The Old Girl's full attention to help supervise as, no doubt, afterwards she'd find fault and I'd have to do it again (or she would).

The spirit level was her idea. If it were up to me I'd just measure things 'by eye', squint a bit and think "yep, looks OK." Women have different expectations for the outcome of jobs than men do. I refer you to previous posts.

* Robert, not The Holy Spirit - he/she/it's not on the level.

IT'S STILL GOING ON

Today started out beautifully after a violent thunderstorm yesterday. A couple of the 'claps were so loud that they shook the house.

The Old Girl has it in her mind that we need a path along the top of the work-in-progress front garden and just below the deck. This (very) little used area is basically good for nothing - except for a path apparently.

A few weeks back we bought a lot of big and very heavy paving squares to build the path with. Some lucky readers might have read this post. If not just go back through the list pf posts to one named WHAT'S GOING ON? Anyway, the ground was too hard to dig a few weeks ago but now after the huge downpour yesterday and some other days of showers it seemed to have softened. I got out a spade and had a go at lifting the crappy grass that we had sprayed with weedkiller. Unfortunately this grass is kikuyu which is a bastard to remove. The tendril-type roots made it difficult to simply 'spade' the surface and I had to get down on hands and knees to use my trusty DigiDigi.

This mean machine is like something a Navy Seal would use. It's a very sharp and heavy knife with one sharp edge and one serrated edge crossed with a spade for digging. It slipped between the ribs cut through the kikuyu roots easily and I was able to dig out a long strip suitable for paving. Taking Robert's advice I'll lay some gravel and cement, on top of weed-mat before putting down the pavers. Even though I started the job early, about 8.30, after a couple of hours it was getting hot. I finished  though but have decided to do things in small bites so I'll get out the spade for digging and levelling tomorrow - maybe at 7AM.

Now that the birds have flown the nest I can get back to trimming the cabbage trees along the side of the house. I got out a ladder and the trimming tools and got busy. It's reasonably shady along the side of the house so I wasn't too fussed by the sun. I wanted to do the good neighbour thing and trim the fronds that go over the neighbour's fence so that they don't fall down on their lawn. 

At one stage I heard the bread-maker 'beep' in the kitchen signifying that the loaf I was making was ready. I climbed down the ladder, removed the hot loaf and put on a rack and went back outside and up the ladder again. It was then I noticed that I still had the oven mitts on my hands that I'd replaced the gardening gloves with.

I think I'm going doolally.

I put the gardening gloves on and went back up the ladder but the beautiful sunny day had greyed over and then the rain started. Bugger. I persevered for a while but even in my sheltered position I was getting wet. This job will have to be put off to another day.

Lunch will be  fresh bread, canned red salmon and tomato sandwich. Yummy.

MAYBE TOMORROW

 I wrote a long post in my dream last night. It was very vivid and I remember proof-reading it carefully so that Richard of Richard's Brass Blob didn't get upset.

I also rewrote large sections because I felt that I was being a bit mean to Robert of Robert's Religious Gibberish (it was a dream after all).

The strange thing is, when I went to write it all down in a post today I've totally forgotten the content. How strange is that? I'll have to wake myself up tonight and make notes if I have the dream again.

Stay posted.

NEW POST - THE BLUE MAN

 

NO MILK TODAY

NEW POST - PETER'S GOLF BAG

 

STRAIGHT UP

MONDAY MONDAY

 

YOU EXPECTED THIS

The Old Girl's 'back at work' today after having had (for her) quite a long holiday break.

Her holiday has been at home where she worked all last year. The holiday being in not having to turn her work computer on and to work on-line since Christmas Eve. We didn't go anywhere and she spent her holiday organising the clearance and replanting of the garden, spring-cleaning the house and repainting all of the window and door surrounds that I had painted. I think that she enjoyed that and the wheelbarrow, garden mulch, tools and sack barrow I bought her for Christmas and her birthday.

'Back at work' today means that she once again takes over the study and I get booted out to the lounge. 

It's a bit of a grey and rainy day so I won't be playing golf or doing outside things hence the blogging.

As you can see I've got the laptop out of the cupboard and set it up again. 

Once I've done a couple of posts I'll retire to the lounge at the end of the house and see if I can find The Spy Who Came In From The Cold on one of the TV platforms we connect to. I've just finished reading Le Carré's book and like to then watch a TV series or film of it afterwards. I just did that with Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, having read the book and then watched the 6-part TV series followed by the film. After Christmas I read A Murder of Quality and then the book. I've also read A Small Town in Germany and Call For The Dead but haven't found the films made from those yet.  I've just started The Looking Glass War and will try and find the film made on that. Next on the list will be The Honourable Schoolboy followed by Smiley's People.

Just some of John Le Carré's novels

As you may well surmise I'm a John Le Carré fan. I've just finished reading Adam Sisman's biography of him which is very enlightening in his personal history and the background to the writing of each of the novels and how some were made into TV series and films.

The process of publishing is explained in detail and I learned how a young Le Carré was bullied by publishers into onerous contracts but, as the books were so successful, he was later able to control the publication of his books and to research and write them as he saw fit. The dramatisations of them was a different matter though and some were ruined by ignorant producers and directors - The Little Drummer Girl is a case in point where the casting was totally wrong (putting Diane Keaton in as the lead was a disaster) but fortunately this was fixed later by the excellent 2018 TV series.

The BBC produced a couple of outstanding series - Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy and Smiley's People back in the 1970s and in recent times there have been great series like The Night Manager and the film The Constant Gardener. I'll watch these immediately after reading the books which I'm doing in chronological order.

If it's still raining this afternoon, instead of a walk I'll spend some time on the exercycle and can do this while watching the film. This is what The Old Girl does every day, doing about 40 minutes while catching up on films and TV series. She's been watching Marvel hero films over the holidays. These are a film genre that I can't stand so she's welcome to watch them on her own. It's meant that at night when she's watching these, and romcoms, I can watch film noir  and foreign language series like the Scandinavian thrillers of which there are so many. I've found excellent French, German, Belgian and Spanish ones as well along with some very good British and American series.

How's your day going?

LIVING WITH A WOMAN (an ongoing series) #1095

"Can you sell or give away those curtain things we took down." 

Said The Old Girl this morning as she was repainting the door frames that I'd already painted (don't ask).

I folded up the curtains, dusted the curtain rods, took photos of them and created a post on Neighbourly offering them for FREE.

Just after I'd started the post I suddenly thought, looking at the photo of the curtains in situ, that there should be 4 curtains, not the two that I'd folded. There should have been two curtains to each rod.

"Where are the other two curtains?" I asked her.

She looked at me strangely.

"What other two curtains?" she asked me back.

"The other two maroon curtains to go with the sets that we're giving away" I answered.

"We're not giving the curtains away Matey" she said "and besides, those two other curtains you mention have been installed and in use to cover the new French doors ever since we took the old blinds down - BACK IN NOVEMBER!"

The two curtains that previously covered one of the side windows, that I'd forgotten about.

"Oh" I said. "So why did you ask me to put them on Neighbourly?"

"I asked you to give away the curtain rods only" she said with an unsaid 'sheesh'.

"Oops I " answered rushing to delete the Neighbourly post before I received a lot of  answers from prospective recipients.

Sheesh!

NEW POST - THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON

 

BATSHIT CRAZY

MAYBE NUMBER 2?

 

THIS COULD BE THE START OF A SERIES

 

"YOU'RE A SPOILT WOMAN"

  .... I said to The Old Girl this morning when I asked her if she wanted to go to the tip with me and she declined.

"Well don't say that I never take you anywhere" I replied huffily.

I rose early this morning and finished trimming some bushes. I cut down a small monkey apple tree and severely pruned a largish bay tree (lovely aromatic smells) and filled the trailer to the max.

The bay in two senses

Once the cover is on I'm ready to go. Alone.

We've got a gorgeous day here but it'll become too hot to play golf soon although I'll take my golf clubs with me just in case.

"SPIRITS ARE USING ME, LARGER VOICES CALLIN' "

 

SOUTHERN CROSS

Back in the mid 1980s I went for a 10 day holiday in the Kingdom of Tonga, staying on the 100 acre Atata Island which is 10 kilometers (20 minute boat ride) from Nuku'alofa.

I wrote a post about this a few years ago: HERE which you might remember.

It was a great holiday where I 'recharged my batteries' and wrote a business plan for the setting up of Quill & Company, a specialist premium liquor supply company which I convinced Allied Liquor Merchants to set up and which I headed up for a few years.

The small island had a reef but otherwise was located out in the big blue sea. The facilities were fairly basic but were in a stunning setting and I learnt to wind-surf (poorly), sail a catamaran (reasonably well) and to practise my swimming. The night sky was the best I've experienced with clear views of the Southern Cross and other constellations.

The main hotel building with bars and restaurant

The chalet on the beach I stayed in

The view from the chalet

The beach

'Selfie' of me in my holiday outfit showing a suntan I'd never had before and never since.

I have fond memories of that place. Later, when I met The Old Girl we were going to go there for a holiday but chose Aitutaki in The Cook Islands instead. Aitutaki was more upmarket but also beautiful.

Atata Island had the Royal Sunset Resort at one end and a traditional village with church and amenities at the other. Many of the villagers were employees at the resort and I got to meet and talk to a lot of nice people. Robert will be pleased to know that I attended a church service while there but it was the Free Church of Tonga (an offshoot of Wesleyianism) and not Roman Catholic which is in the minority there.

*****************

It's very sad to hear of the massive volcanic eruption of Hunga Tonga - Tonga Ha'apai the volcanic island 65kms away from Nuku'alofa. The resultant tsunami and the ash fall is causing great destruction in Tonga and, sadly, might have destroyed Atata Island.

Information from Tonga has been sporadic at best and with communication cables destroyed a lot is unknown about the outer islands. I hope that Atata survives but it doesn't look good. I hope that the people I briefly knew are Ok particularly Siu, the lovely bar manager I struck up an acquaintance with. At the end of each evening's dinner or drinks I used to use an old Tony or Richard joke and say to her "See You" as I left. I think that she was impressed.

*********************

This eruption and the aftermath is a strong lesson of what natural disasters may happen in our region. Most of the Pacific Islands are under threat from sea level rising as a result of global warming but this always seems to be a long and slow process which can be conveniently parked for future generations to handle. Earthquakes, volcanic eruptions and the resultant tsunamis are instant and violent and cannot be ignored. We in New Zealand and Australia must face up to our responsibilities for the region and open our doors to the hundreds of thousands of potential refugees for sanctuary and ultimately settlement, education and assimilation into our communities. It is best that it is done sooner in an orderly way rather than the last minute and tragic migrations that are happening in Europe, the Middle East and South and Central America.

Ive been thinking of this a lot over the last couple of years and will write a post on this soon.

IN RESIDENCE

 I've been busy gardening for the last few days. I've, again, cleared the rapidly growing fern and flax that grows along the side of the house.

This is always a massive job and takes many hours resulting in a full trailer load of leaves, branches, fern fronds and flax.

BEFORE

AFTER

Now the more observant reader would, of course, notice that these images come from a 2016 post I wrote about clearing the same spot. Since then some cabbage trees have grown up quite a bit and required me climbing up on the ladder to trim the fronds that were spreading out to the house.

It was while trimming one of these, with the ladder at full extension I noticed a beady eye observing me. It was not The Old Girl who was planting flowers and ground cover in the front garden.

A thrush has made its nest in one of the cabbage trees and it wasn't until I uncovered some of the fronds that I saw it.

 I stopped trimming and left it and hope that my intrusion won't lead to it abandoning the nest. This might have happened if there were just eggs in the nest but, looking from the dining room window I have seen at least three baby birds being fed by a parent.

Life goes on.

NEW POST - THE CURMUDGEON'S AGONY AUNT

 

CAR ROUSES

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT

 

NEW POST - PETER'S GOLF BAG

 

HOLES WITH ONE

PERCOLATION

 Women have different ways of processing information than men do. Men usually go for instant gratification whereas women plan things out a bit more and, effectively, play the long game.

I've noticed over the years that, with The Old Girl, it's better to plant the seed of an idea in her head when I want something, rather than declare outright that I'm going to do this or that. Here's an example:

The garden shed is cluttered - admittedly with lots of my stuff - which makes it difficult getting the golf clubs out or looking for some important bit of treasure. We need another shed. Declaring outright that we need another shed would be disastrous as she would say:

"We have a shed matey and it's full of your crap. Why don't you clear it out and take your junk to the tip?"

No, another tack is needed. She's doing some gardening on her holidays. It will likely happen that she will get a bit frustrated in trying to find a place to store those gifts I've bought her like her wheelbarrow, her garden hoe, her spade, her shovel, her plant food etc. I might then drop an innocent suggestion like:

"Yes, a little shed for the garden stuff might be a good idea." 

The trick is to leave this up in the air without follow-up. Over the next few weeks this idea will percolate in her consciousness to the point where it will take the shape as her idea and she will say:

"We need another shed specifically for the garden things matey." 

I'll acknowledge with:

"Mmm, well if you think it's a good idea."

It usually works.

This morning as we were reading in bed she said that she was going to make some breakfast. "Eggs rancheros" I said not knowing why the idea popped into my head as I normally have Weet-Bix. She ignored this and made herself some toast with smoked salmon. After another half an hour I was hungry so got up to prepare my Weet-Bix but ended up making eggs rancheros* instead. Such is the power of suggestion. For me, the idea was lodged in my brain and required immediate satisfaction. I prepared it and it was delicious. I gave The Old Girl a taste knowing that she will likely make some for herself for breakfast in a week or so. The long game.

Now, for that shed .......

The existing shed

The woodshed

The extra shed we 'need'

 * Eggs rancheros.

Recipe for one.

Whisk one egg with a teaspoon of water in a small bowl.

Add some sliced jalapeno peppers, diced salami and some diced pimentos or red capsicum. Grate some cheese into the mix and stir.

Heat a small amount of butter (I prefer Lewis Road garlic butter) in a small pan, add the egg mixture and carefully turn until cooked.

Serve on top of toast.