I'LL PUT A MOVE ON YOU

 The Mighty Boosh is screening again on TV On Demand. This is great anarchic comedy and I love it.

I've been getting a bit of stick from Richard and Robert in their recent posts. How unfair is that?

If they don't watch out I'll put one of my moves on them.

JUST IN CASE YOU HAVE TIME FOR THIS CRAP

 Yesterday The Old Girl and I drove into town to look at toilets.

Not these although they are pretty amazing but are in Kawakawa.

Hundertwasser toilets Kawakawa

No, we went shopping in Plumbing World and Bunnings.

The Old Girl has decided that the perfectly functional and adequate toilet we have in the main bathroom is past it and needs replacement. This could be an allegory of me of course*.

We first went to Plumbing World and looked at 'crappers'** that ranged from a special price of about $600 through to some sort of luxury model at several thousand dollars.

The luxury one

This fancy- pants (or fancy no-pants) one had some special features along with the whopping price tag.

Take note of the control that in addition to the bidet function has an enema function. Yoicks!

The bottom (pun intended) image shows the nozzle that's going to do the deed. I'm sure that Richard will want one of these for his birthday.

Plumbing World store is very large and we were left alone in the showroom for ..... well, for too long according to The Old Girl. She went off to find an assistant and stormed back, grabbing my arm and said "We're leaving". Apparently the shop assistant she found was on her own dealing with lots of people and told her that they were short of staff and had no-one in the show-room. We were off which I was secretly glad of having seen their prices and went to Bunnings.

The Bunnings selection was mediocre and the offerings cheap and cheap-looking. We left there without making a purchase.

On the way home I steered the conversation around to the likelihood of a world-wide recession this year and left it to her to suggest that maybe we'd be best off not making any capital improvements to the house (other than a new kitchen - bummer). Old Thomas's crapper might live to see another day.

* See a comment of mine on Richard's most recent post.

** 'Crapper' - slang name for toilet named after Thomas Crapper who was an ex-schoolteacher.

FOR ROBERT - ETHICS 101

 

OOPS! POT-KETTLE-BLACK

 I criticised Richard's shed for untidiness when he posted about it.

It's not the nicest shed and the way he keeps it inside and out is appalling but ...... I thought I'd better look at the state of my sheds.

The basement

The general shed

The woodshed

I'd better see to these next week when The Old Girl's away.

PLANE SPEAKING

Today I watched the 3 Orion aircraft (P-3K2 Orion) from The Royal New Zealand Air Force fly over Whangarei Heads. 

The three planes are to be retired soon as per this STUFF news item:

Many North Island centres had a last chance to get a glimpse of one of the Air Force’s venerable workhorses on Tuesday.

The Royal New Zealand Air Force performed a flypast of the last three P-3K2 Orion aircraft as the fleet retired after more than 55 years of service.

No. 5 Squadron commanding officer, Wing Commander Glen Donaldson said it was a “bittersweet moment” for the Air Force.

“Where we have to farewell a faithful old friend who has looked after not just our crews for nearly 60 years, but all of New Zealand and our friends and neighbours in the Pacific,” he said.

Since the mid -1960s, the squadron’s six Orions have flown 150,000 hours of service.

This has included such notable missions as the search for flight MH-370 which disappeared in 2014 en route from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing and the Queen’s Birthday 1994 search and rescue in which they assisted several vessels caught in a huge storm during the Auckland to Suva yacht race.

One of the Orions was the first aircraft to provide reconnaissance after the more recent Hunga-Tonga Hunga-Ha’apai eruption.

The Air Force farewells the P-3K2 Orion fleet with a North Island formation flight before at Whenuapai in Auckland.

They took part in countless missions after cyclones devastated Pacific islands, counter narcotics, anti-piracy, and anti-smuggling security missions in the Middle East, and security patrols for the UN in the East China Sea to counter smuggling activity to North Korea.

“That life-saving sound of a P-3 overhead, heard by many, will be gone. But for all those people who have had any sort of interaction with the aircraft, she’ll always be in our hearts and memories,” Donaldson said.

Tuesday’s flight route took the fleet over Waikato and central North Island with a close-form flypast over Ōhakea and Wellington Harbour.

The formation then travelling up the East Coast, over Napier, Gisborne, Tauranga, the Coromandel Peninsula, Great Barrier Island and Whangarei, before returning to Whenuapai via Auckland Harbour 

The final flight of two P-3K2 Orions to RNZAF Woodbourne, where the retired fleet is being stored, would be on January 31 with a close-formation flypast over the South Island.

Four P-8A Poseidon maritime surveillance aircraft would replace the Orion fleet based at Ōhakea. The first of the new Poseidon aircraft landed in New Zealand last month.

“This is certainly a historic time to celebrate the long service of an amazing aircraft, but also an exciting time as we transition to a new era of maritime patrol,” Donaldson said.

It was a memorable occasion and, given that I'm so bloody old, adds to the many memories I have of life in New Zealand. When it comes to aircraft though my ears prick up. I've always had a fascination with planes, particularly war planes and, from an early age read of the exploits of  famous pilots. An uncle of mine served in WW2 as a pilot based in UK (seconded to RAF) and flew Typhoons I think. Another uncle (in-law) was English and flew with the RAF and was a pilot with the The Royal Air Force Aerobatic Team, the Red Arrows. I was a member of the Air Training Corps (ATC) in Wellington when I was in the third and fourth form (3P and 4P) and we used to assemble for 'parade' at Shelley Bay air force base on Tuesday evenings, fully kitted out in uniform. We used to go to Ohakea RNZAF base in school holidays for training and got to fly in air force planes (not the Vulcan bombers and Vampires though but we did get to sit in the cockpits of these). I've got links to posts I've written about this:

HERE

HERE

HERE

AND HERE

For those who bothered to click on those 'links' you'd know that I'm just pulling your leg  ...... but, I have written posts on this ..... feel free to ask and I'll send you the links.

Later on, in the late 1970s I undertook flight training at Rongotai airport in Wellington and flew little Cessnas (not as exciting as Spitfires I'm sure) but didn't complete training because of the stupid aviation laws at the time that forbade pilots from flying if they needed corrective lenses for eyesight (since changed).

I also  did some parachuting at Kapiti airport and  for many years I (and The Old Girl) went to airshows in Marlborough, Hawkes Bay, Auckland and Wanaka, watching aircraft from the WW 1 era through to modern days fly, perform, break down and crash. We saw the last flights of the outstanding Skyhawks down in Wanaka and an exhilarating performance by the C-130 Hercules which demonstrated how it could land on almost a postage stamp and then reverse back and take off again all in the space of virtually seconds. This is a damned big plane and very much impressed The Old Girl.

She was fascinated to the point that she took no interest in the Spitfires, Hurricanes,  Messerschmitts Yaks, Zeroes, Mustangs and many other WW2 exciting planes. She just wanted to look at the Hercules. We 'visited' the plane and crew when they had finally landed and secured the plane and checked it out. She was impressed by .... I think the plane but she might have been checking out the young men flying it:

Anyway, for a few years after this I tried to secure a flight on a C-130 for her birthdays, trying the Antarctic flight organisation at Christchurch, RNZAF and even some damned Americans - all with no success. The best I could do was get her a C-130 Hercules official cap which she was well pleased with and still has. See this pic I took tonight:

I love planes and am proud of what the New Zealand airforce has done with limited resources over the years and am certain that the organisation and the dedicated personnel will make best use of the replacement P-8A Poseidon maritime surveillance aircraft and save lives, help neighbouring countries as well as our own people and have a proud history like the P-3K2 Orion crews, support people, administration and government has.

INSPIRATION 2

 For Richard.

The 'old shed' painting in the spare room.

INSPIRATION

Sometimes we just need a little bit of encouragement.

I wasn't going to tell you about a new development with the blinds in the house but Richard has encouraged me by making a positive comment on my previous post - the one about the drainage plans at the back of the house. He said:

*****************

When The Old Girl is working in her office (my previous study), I set up the laptop in the lounge at the end of the dining table. This generally works OK but, at certain times of the day, the light coming in the window of the door to the side deck makes it difficult for me to read the screen properly and may contribute to the odd spelling mistake or other error.

I've temporarily fixed this by hanging up a towel to block the light which diminishes it somewhat. See:

Which is an improvement on this:

Here's a longer shot of it and you can see how the glare has been reduced.

The problem with this is the unsightliness of the towel hanging there (according to The Old Girl) and the fact that I used two drawing pins to affix it - "you've put holes in my door" said The Old Girl when she saw what I'd done. She suggested that I'd better 'quick-smart' get some blinds affixed - "and not some old crummy cheap ones that you'll get at the op-shop either" she said which intruded on my thought of using the old ones that I'd taken down from the study (her office) and put in the shed. She suggested getting bespoke ones made by Spotlight who provided the lounge blinds a couple of years ago.

Well, to cut a long story short, I measured up the door frame and contacted Spotlight and placed an order for the exact type of Venetian blind that we have. 

Job done - or almost as it takes about a month for them to be made up.

Thanks to Richard (of Richard's Bass Bag) for the inspiration for this post.

AND NOW FOR SOME GOOD NEWS.

 I'll be getting my pipes done some time soon.

No, not that thankfully, I mean these pipes:

And some of this:

You might recall that I mentioned this in a couple of earlier posts:

 HERE 

 AND HERE  

I contacted a drain-layer before Christmas and had just about given up on him but he called around on Friday and assessed the problem and will send me a quote. He's a practical sort of chap and thinks that it won't be as big a job as I initially thought - fingers crossed. He won't need to remove the steps to the washing line and will just "swerve around the bottom of them".

*ENDS*

Note that this was a complete post for those whose comprehension skills are, well, incomprehensible.

GLOOMY SUNDAY?

 It's a beautiful Sunday but I've spoiled it by looking at the blogs to see what's going on.

Robert hasn't updated his blog since that peevish post about Jacinda Ardern's resignation - you know, the one where he said that when photographed with the PM he later threw the photo in the bin. He's probably regretting that now just like all of the whingers and naysayers will regret it when the blancmange man becomes prime minister later in the year and leads a 'tax breaks for the rich' National government. He'll have something to whinge about then.

Richard has started a new series - 'Jack Teacher' which looks promising but, like those promises he made to clean out his shed will probably fizzle as soon as he goes through double bass practice withdrawal.

The Music Curmudgeon wrote a post recently  on songs for each day of the week and mentioned a couple of 'Sunday songs' and chose 'Lazy Sunday Afternoon'.

That's a great song but I won't choose that for you. Instead  - take this!

PARTY, PARTY, PARTY

 The annual McLeod Bay Sandbank Party was on today.

This is where, at low-tide when the large sandbank (McDonald's Bank) in the middle of the bay is uncovered, hundreds of people boat, kayak or swim out to it and have a 3 hour party until the bank becomes covered again.

Probably how Richard would go out to the party.

That was from the 2015 event.

In some years this has been 'bedlam' with drunken party-goers making panicked exits at the turn of the tide and boating dangerously back to shore. It really is a wonder that there haven't been any serious injuries or even a death or two. I've seen idiot jet-skiers and speed boat drivers race past swimmers in the water.

A few years ago, after many complaints the Coast Guard has become more involved with a couple of boats patrolling and issuing infringement tickets to the ne'er-do-wells. Today, due to overcast weather the turn-out hasn't been as large and I've only heard the Coast Guard siren a few times as they've stopped infringing boaties. The turnout is probably a bit lower as well because this year the 'music boat, a very large launch or small ship with a live band on it, wasn't in attendance.

STONE BLUE on the party boat.

I can hear party-goers retuning to shore now but thankfully not as boisterous (and drunk) as in previous years.

I kayaked out to the event three years ago (It wasn't held for the last two years due to Covid restrictions).

THERE AND BACK AGAIN

I hope that you all have had a pleasant day. Champagne time for us soon.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING OLD WHEN .....

 ....... you recycle diaries.

I don't have a lot of appointments now that I'm retired and when I thought about buying a 2023 diary I looked at the 2022 one and saw how many empty pages there are. I went through the whole book changing the dates by one day to match the 2023 calendar..

This is the sort of thing my old man would have done when he was retired and I would have teased him about it.

EVEN ROBERT WILL MISS HER

Farewell Jacinda, you will be missed.

We haven't had a Prime Minister who has represented us so well on the world stage since David Lange spoke in that Oxford Union debate in March 1985.

We've been embarrassed in the past by self-serving, venal and incompetent prime ministers - I still cringe when I think of how John Key embarrassed himself and New Zealand when he appeared on the David Letterman show back in 2009 ..... :

.... and I worry that, if National gets back in power at the end of this year we'll have the same kind of thing happening again under the likes of the blancmange man.

It'd be nice to think that the dickheads who've been so nasty towards Ardern through social media,  protests and death threats won't get their comeuppance as the downside will affect us all, but I'm convinced that this country and its leadership will not be as good for the next few years. The critics just might discover that there's no such thing as a 'communist nazi' and that Jacinda Ardern certainly isn't one. The stupid voters who, demographically and socially should be supporting Labour, who give their support to a right wing leaning National government, will find out that National does not have their interests at heart, preferring instead to line the pockets of the top percenters.

THE GOLDEN SHOWERS* AWARDS

 

To continue with the Golden theme begun in our previous post, we have news to hand that an old bugger blogger from down south has won some award or other in the inaugural Golden Showers Awards.

See: HERE

We don't wish to take anything away from the old fella but it does seem that this is some kind of lifetime achievement award given due to longevity rather than quality. He has been blogging for a long time and, is the longest blogger in this community even if he's only 5 foot ten and a bit inches tall.

**BREAKING NEWS**

There was a bit of a scene at the awards ceremony last night and we have a transcript snippet here:

COMMENTATOR: ..... and Richard of Richard's Bass Bag (the number one bass bagging site) is coming up to the stage to receive the inaugural Lifetime Blogging Achievement Award which will be handed out by Pope Francis (Ex-Pope Benedict was supposed to hand this out but the lucky guy died last week).

POPE FRANCIS: Non possum credere me rogant ut hoc atheo huic tribuatur. ardeat in gehenna in aeternum, et opto sane fratrem Benedictum illum alium dickium antiquum ibi fuisse, sed infeliciter quod pederast ad coelum isse. Usquam, hic ineptum est iudicium tuum.

RICHARD (OF RICHARD"S BASS BAG): Oh, wow, thanks Your Majesty - WOW! I really appreciate this and would like to thank those people who've assisted in making this possible. There's Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner and toilet cleaner for one and, of course there's The Curmudgeon who .......

COMMENTATOR: Hold on folks. Thee's an imposing figure approaching the stage. He's climbing up onto the stage. He's approaching Richard (of Richard's Bass Bag) and ....

THE CURMUDGEON: Get my name out of your #**##*# mouth!

COMMENTATOR:  ...... er, we'll have to wrap this up now folks until we can get things sorted out with Richard. Richard? Richard? ........ Oh dear.

* "Golden shower (plural golden showers) A large, liberal bestowal of money or other financial benefits. (idiomatic, slang, originally US) The act of a person urinating on another, usually for the sexual gratification of one or both persons."  You can choose which one.

THE START OF THE GOLDEN WEATHER

 We are finally getting a summer or at least a taste of one. The best weather is yet to come and usually starts from mid February. Today however has been a cracker - lots of sun, no wind and, surprisingly, no rain.

I headed off early to play tennis and the conditions were ideal. I played for about 2 and a half hours - to 11AM when it started to get too hot.

We had both sets of French doors wide open and lots of windows today which is a luxury we haven't enjoyed for weeks due to the couple of cyclones that have battered the region. 

I'm told that La Nina is ending soon. This is the weather pattern that has dominated for the last couple of years:

Northeasterly winds tend to become more common during La Niña events, bringing moist, rainy conditions to northeastern areas of the North Island and reduced rainfall to the lower and western South Island.

In Autumn we should be seeing El Nino weather patterns:

During El Niño, New Zealand tends to experience stronger or more frequent winds from the west in summer, which can encourage dryness in eastern areas and more rain in the west. In winter, the winds tend to blow more from the south, causing colder temperatures across the country.

OK, that will cause drought problems for Eastern farmers but - it might mean that we won't be getting run-off from the mountain and farm up the back of our house and I can finally get the basement area dry.

It could mean good news for the struggling ski industry as well with colder winters bringing more snow.

El Nino might stick around for the next 3 years.

It will mean that Wainuiomartians and Moeraites will get wet feet and frozen arses* each winter but at least we'll be OK up here in the North-East eh.

* If their 'todgers' get frostbitten, the prat Prince Harry suggests rubbing your dead mother's face cream on it.

NEW POST - THE FOOD CURMUDGEON

 

OKONOMIYAKE

MAINTAINING PERFECTION

 Richard wrote in his latest posts that the old guy, the hero in his new series (really himself) is past his prime and has become weak with age and dissipation.

"He attempted to throw the key into the sea but it fell short into the sand. Old arm muscles."

Fair enough but I think that he always threw 'like a girl' and age doesn't have a lot to do with that.

I do accept that his overdeveloped arm and fingers from - I guess- his bass and violin practice counteracted this and, in his story, enabled him to get the better of the thugs who were trying to rob him.

"Now the angry looking guy looked really pissed off. Soon he was to learn about the German bow grip. Neil moved quickly, very quickly, and his right hand did what bassists call an up bow but is really more of a sideways movement - it's a term that originated with violinists. It caught the angry looking guy on his left ear and was very quickly followed by an eye poke from Neil's left hand first finger. "Practice over." Neil Senning thought to himself."

Anyway - I don't want to end up like him so I did my exercises on the rowing machine and the exercycle today.